.

I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you.


I'm thrilled that you're leaving for like 4 days!
THRILLED.
I'm going to live it up.

!

I quit my job yesterday!
I couldn't be happier! :D
And so did Kristen the same day! SO EXCITED.
I haven't felt free like this in a while.
Time to find a better job though.
One that is actually bearable.

Anyways, yesterday was my best friends 18th birthday!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY VIVSHIH! AND HAYLEY BABY <3
I hope you had as much fun last night as I did.
I love my friends. They are making my senior year everything I had hoped it would be and SO much more.
Thank you for that.
I can't wait for our future adventures!
I will make a more personal post later when I have more time
CLASSY OF 09!


And on a side note, dad, don't worry about me. I'll find my way.
Just let me.

Stressin'

You know how your parents always say "Don't grow up to fast. It's not so much fun being grown up!" or things like that.

Well they're right.
I mean don't get me wrong, I love having a lot more freedom and independence without mommy and daddy having to be completely involved. But there is an incredibly large amount of responsibility that comes with it all.
I'm trying to stay positive and learn and grow from all of this, which I believe I'm doing a good job of.
It kind of annoys me though when my younger friends always complain about things that are just so pointless to even think about. I know I am not totally mature all the time and whatnot, but nonetheless, I feel like I don't fit in with the highschoolers I see everyday. My brain is starving. I'm starving for someone interesting. Someone to help keep my brain from rotting.
I know people like this exist.
Where?
Thats what I want to know.
I am hoping they're all waiting for me in the next chapter of my life.
God, I can't wait.
Only 6 more months!!!!! :D
This makes me happy.

Well other than that, I am having a fabulous senior year!
I think I'll make a blog soon about my friends that mean the most to me. New and old.
For once, I don't feel so alone.
I feel like I have quality friends that care about me, and that I care about as well.
All is well.

AND MY CUTIE SISTA IS SO SMART :D I love her more than anything in the universe! I mean, can you blame me?

Wow the tone of this blog changed a lot from beginning to end :p

I'm really bad at updating this thing.
Well thats probably because there's not much that has been happening lately...
Other than work sucks a shitload and I'm going to try to get a job before I get fired.
My boss is threatening me to pay 30$ (because we were short, but it wasn't my mistake) or she'll "have to hire someone new". I'm like, so what? are you going to fire me? and she's like no but you'll have to stay in the fitting rooms, you can't work the register. I'm like yea that will go well, especially when I open in the morning and work ALONE for 3 hours.
"Sorry I can't sell you this because I'm not allowed to use the register.."
Yea right.

Gah and I lost my ring :( I really liked that ring.
Oh well, it happens.
On a plus note, the holidays are comingggg :D
I fucking love the holidays. And the positive lovey feeling it gives you!
I still have to get everyone their gifts. I'm so bad at stuff like that but I try to make it good :p
Buh byeee.

i haven't updated in a while

I want to meet someone that has such a profound way of thinking.
Someone that can totally open up my mind to different things that I have never seen in that way.
Someone that listens without saying one word, and when he is all done listening, says exactly what I want, actually, what I need to hear.
Someone that isn't uncomfortable with silence. Someone that can sit there with me and observe and think.
Someone that will show me new things. New experiences.
Someone interesting.
Someone that can hold a quality conversation.
Someone that can laugh with me at absolutely nothing.
Someone that will dance with me, music or not.
Someone fearless. Regretless.
Motivated. Ambitious. Dominant.

Well, we all can dream right.


I feel redundant. My blog is redundant, therefore pointless.
Isn't that lovely.

As I sip my coffee through a bendy straw

I feel like the time has come for my world to come crashing down yet again.
I feel like everything that I was so happy about 2 months ago has faded.
My crush has faded.
The excitement of my new job has faded.
The excitement of my new car has faded.
The excitement of my senior year has faded.
The excitement for anything is gone. And I want it back.
I fell into a routine. Oh, how I hate routines.
Sometimes I wish a meteor would hit my backyard or something like that. That would be pretty exciting, right?
So where do I stand now?
Boy-less. Crush-less for that matter.
I hate my job.
I can't get the job I would kill for.
School is a waste of my time. I do nothing all day.
And I want some passion in my life.
Some goals.
Something to look forward to. To aspire to.
Oh and I almost forgot. Fucking Obama won. AND prop 8 passed. I don't think it could really get any worse than that right there.


You see, I notice how most of my friends are ridiculously good at something. Whether it be art, music, or athletics.
And what am I good at?
I don't know either.
I see all the talent around me and I can't help but to feel small. Insignificant. Uninteresting.
This blog entry just goes to show how uninteresting I can be.
I want to be good at art too. And singing. And music.
Anything.
Because I am nothing.
I do nothing.
I like nothing.
I will be nothing.

Well at least I cleared things up with my brother. I hated the tension between us. I wish he would hug me. We've gotten closer over the years because we've grown up. But he still won't hug me. I wonder when or if he ever will.

I need a hug. I would really like one.


I know that no one reads this. Or even if they do read my blog they won't read this entry. It's too long and boring and unimportant.

America the beautiful

is a country full of ignorant dumbshits.
have fun with all your 'change'.
because im thinking its not going to be the change you were planning on. its not going to be the good kind.
im thinking a nice one way ticket to new zeland is looking pretty friendly.

have fun with osama binladen. i mean obama and biden.
unbelievable.

I really want this.

I really want this job.
I really really want it.
Really badly.
Please give me a break, and let Wednesday go well for me.
I need this.

Friends.

There's this one group of friends that are really starting to grow on me. I met most of them in August and I feel like I've known them for forever. They are so welcoming and we all get along so well. It's nice to feel like I have people that I really enjoy being with that seem to enjoy being with me too. It's nice to be included even though they've all known each other a lot longer. Every time I have hung out with them is filled with so many amazing memories and I can't imagine anything less in the future! Last night was so much fun and homecoming doesn't even compare to after. The night was filled with love, laughter, fun, secrets, good conversation, trust, and basically everything that constitutes of a wonderful night.

As we like to say, were the kind of people who have classy candle lit dinner parties and drink wine while talking about politics and poop.

That hits the nail on the head.
AND I LOVE IT.
And I love you all. You're all beautiful and amazing.
I'm happy. Even though I'm running on like 2 hours of sleep. It's all good.
lots of <3

Rest In Peace

Mr. Maki.
You were my favorite teacher freshman year and you are the only math teacher I ever liked.
You were always so fun and happy and didn't mind when I joked around with you.
You really didn't deserve this. I remember when you told us about how you got in an accident while riding your bike and you nearly died and I remember you saying how you're lucky to be alive. I really admire you for continuing to do what you loved despite that first accident. It didn't stop you. I kills me to know that something so tragic happened again. Why do the good die young? You were so young. You had a family. You were an amazing teacher that everyone loved. There are so many terrible people in this world but you were definitely not one of them! We all miss you very very much and I send my condolences to your family.

Rest in peace<3

Comment and pay your respects please. Whether you knew him or not.

Senior year so far...

So this year has been great and all except for a few things that I'm starting to realize.
You see, I always thought that when I become a senior, I will know everyone at school pretty much and yes, I know a lot of seniors but thats about it. I know a few juniors and very few under that. It's kind of disappointing. And since everyone looks so little now it has kind of made me less social. I mean that, and the fact that people are such shitty friends nowadays. Well maybe I should try being a little more friendly to people like I used to be. Before all of these meaningless friendships and broken promises. Before I put up my wall. When I was willing to be friends with anyone and everyone, no judging. It seems as though as I got older and more mature, I also gained a sense of cynicism. Well, I guess there's room for improvement. I've also noticed how my self confidence has also decreased. Which sucks but thats just a matter between me and my own mind that I will have to overcome like I have before. I can do it. Well, today the French exchange students arrived. I only saw them for a second in the morning but I hope to meet some of them! I love accents. So that's a plus. And I saw one that I think might be ridiculously attractive, although I can't be certain because I saw him from a distance. If he is in fact as attractive as I think he is, I call dibs ;D

Well, time to go do my college essay.
And time to stop saying "Well,".

Bye!

This sucks.

It sucks when its a Friday night and I have nothing to do.
I have nothing to do tomorrow.
And I have nothing to do the next day, after work from 11 to 3.
I mean, I could try to hang out with someone, but I doubt that will happen.
It takes too much effort for me to try so hard to make plans with people.
Its usually not even worth it.
It would be nice for someone to ask to hang out with me this weekend.

DARE TO DREAM.


Oh, and to you, you're a douche bag. Stop playing games with me. I'm tired of it. You're acting like a kid. It's not attractive. I'm over it and I'm over you.

I don't think you know

how immature you sound.
It's annoying. It's sad.

I miss you.

I recently have started talking to some people who used to be quite good friends. It's really nice catching up. I've missed a lot of people. I don't know what's happened to our friendships. I remember the days when I only had one or two friends that were girls and the rest were boys. Things seemed so much more real then they do now. Don't get me wrong, I love all my friends that I'm close to at the moment. I just forgot how much I get along with guys. I want more than anything to meet new people. Get the element of surprise back into my life. Please. I need it.

Well as my fortune cookie today says, "Prepare yourself for a change of events in your personal life"
Crossing my fingers!

Pointless

It is beyond pointless to try anymore.
Whenever I try to make plans with people, things get fucked up.
I guess they just don't care enough.
Which doesn't surprise me in the least.
So I am throwing in the towel.
From now on, you want to hang out with me, you make the effort.
Because I don't really care anymore.
Or about your friendship.
Because it's worthless to me.

And I doubt anyone reads this bullshit anyways.
More that proves my point.
Bye scum.

My Eyes

They sting. I spent way too much valuable sleeping time looking back at old memories and whatnot. Glad to say I don't miss them. Except for Nina. I miss her. Whatever, times change, that's life.

Oh and I got my key to the store today. Oh joy. I am going to ask Tiffany for a raise next time I go in to work. Which will consequently be my first time opening the store by myself, as well as my first two hours alone in the store. I hope I do well.

Alls well.
Good Evening.

Workworkwork.

Workworkworkworkwork.

Well, I'll have you know that I closed tonight for the first time all by myself! I can feel a raise in my near future :) Next week I will close for the first time completely without anyone supervising. I hope I do alright and don't fuck up. Oh, and I get a key to the store :D How exciting.

In other news, these 7 hour shifts are killing me and I hope that I don't fall asleep at the wheel.

How the fuck do I have a C in work experience. I hate that class. Too early. Too pointless. FHUISHDUIFHDUISHFUIDSH.

I love how everyone of my blogs so far has a rant in it ;D
I think I'm going to keep this trend going. Probably unintentionally. Hah, okay. My bed calls to me.

Goodnight.

Here we go

Well, I've had a livejournal since 7th grade that I still visit frequently, but I don't really update it anymore, so I felt like a change. This weekend was pretty nice. Work on Friday. Then I went to Vivian's on Saturday afternoon. Then we went to Coffee Bean, which is definitely worth mentioning seeing as though I'm obsessed with the Pumpkin Ice Blended. It's straight from the Gods and I suggest you try it. Anyways, then we went to Relay for Life. It was quite the experience. Good and bad, but mostly good! :) Well, I also attended the Music Gives show, and I must say, it was quite lovely. I truly enjoyed all of the bands that performed! They were awesome. Even though the bands were good, I realized how much I dislike and maybe even pity most of the people that were there. It disgusts me how some things are so important to some people. There are way too many people that get so much satisfaction out of making other people feel like shit. So many people act like animals. Savages. Why does it all matter so much to you? Tell me. And another thing, it bugs me how everyone at the show last night looked the fucking same. Okay, I've realized that instead of being scene, or brootal, or bro, being indie is now "in". But it's so annoying how this whole group of people change styles as a group. They're all so unaccepting of new people. Even people that I used to talk to and say hi in the halls to pretend not to know me. It's sickening and it makes me not even want to put effort into any friendships anymore. Discluding Vivian, of course. She's obviously the only one worth it.

/endrant.

I can't WAIT for college. Good times to come.

This entry started out about my weekend and ended with a rant. I'd say this is a successful first post. (Not really..) Whatever. School tomorrow. Oh joy.