i haven't updated in a while

I want to meet someone that has such a profound way of thinking.
Someone that can totally open up my mind to different things that I have never seen in that way.
Someone that listens without saying one word, and when he is all done listening, says exactly what I want, actually, what I need to hear.
Someone that isn't uncomfortable with silence. Someone that can sit there with me and observe and think.
Someone that will show me new things. New experiences.
Someone interesting.
Someone that can hold a quality conversation.
Someone that can laugh with me at absolutely nothing.
Someone that will dance with me, music or not.
Someone fearless. Regretless.
Motivated. Ambitious. Dominant.

Well, we all can dream right.


I feel redundant. My blog is redundant, therefore pointless.
Isn't that lovely.

As I sip my coffee through a bendy straw

I feel like the time has come for my world to come crashing down yet again.
I feel like everything that I was so happy about 2 months ago has faded.
My crush has faded.
The excitement of my new job has faded.
The excitement of my new car has faded.
The excitement of my senior year has faded.
The excitement for anything is gone. And I want it back.
I fell into a routine. Oh, how I hate routines.
Sometimes I wish a meteor would hit my backyard or something like that. That would be pretty exciting, right?
So where do I stand now?
Boy-less. Crush-less for that matter.
I hate my job.
I can't get the job I would kill for.
School is a waste of my time. I do nothing all day.
And I want some passion in my life.
Some goals.
Something to look forward to. To aspire to.
Oh and I almost forgot. Fucking Obama won. AND prop 8 passed. I don't think it could really get any worse than that right there.


You see, I notice how most of my friends are ridiculously good at something. Whether it be art, music, or athletics.
And what am I good at?
I don't know either.
I see all the talent around me and I can't help but to feel small. Insignificant. Uninteresting.
This blog entry just goes to show how uninteresting I can be.
I want to be good at art too. And singing. And music.
Anything.
Because I am nothing.
I do nothing.
I like nothing.
I will be nothing.

Well at least I cleared things up with my brother. I hated the tension between us. I wish he would hug me. We've gotten closer over the years because we've grown up. But he still won't hug me. I wonder when or if he ever will.

I need a hug. I would really like one.


I know that no one reads this. Or even if they do read my blog they won't read this entry. It's too long and boring and unimportant.

America the beautiful

is a country full of ignorant dumbshits.
have fun with all your 'change'.
because im thinking its not going to be the change you were planning on. its not going to be the good kind.
im thinking a nice one way ticket to new zeland is looking pretty friendly.

have fun with osama binladen. i mean obama and biden.
unbelievable.

I really want this.

I really want this job.
I really really want it.
Really badly.
Please give me a break, and let Wednesday go well for me.
I need this.