Frustration leads to aggression.

Holy shit fuck.

These past two days have put me in the worst mood that I've been in for a while now.

I have so much shit on my hands right now. I know it's probably not really as much as it seems but I can't seem to cope at the moment. I feel like I've been thrown into the world head first... without a helmet. I thought I could handle everything by myself and I'd say I actually have been pretty good at managing shit in my life for a while. It's just one of those times when everything seems to pile on me at once and I'm having trouble dealing. Normally, my mom is amazing at making me feel like everything is ok when I have a breakdown but it's different now. She made me feel a little better at first and started helping me organize myself.. for like 10 minutes. Then she says "I'll be up after dancing with the stars". Okay, I'll get started tackling my homework. One hour passes.. I realize it's a 2 hour long show. Keeps going on my work. Then she says, I'll be up at the next commercial. Another hour and a half passes. She's not coming up. I have to wake up at 7:30 tomorrow. I'll just sleep it off and regroup in the morning. Did she forget? Probably. I'm so happy that she is in love and has a boyfriend and all, but I come home once or twice a week. I barely see her. He lives here, she sees him everyday of her life. I never ask her for anything anymore. No help or to do anything for me. The one time in a long time that I desperately need some support, she'd rather spend an hour cuddling than giving me ONE fucking hour of her time. She always complains that I'm never home and always out and misses me yet I've been home the last 2 nights and she hasn't even given me a half-hour of her time. She probably doesn't realize it. I don't blame her or anything. I don't think she knows my state of being right now. I guess I'm going to have to get used to the idea that when it comes down to it, I'm all I've got. People have told me that before but I never quite got it, or believed it rather.

I miss my friends. I feel friendless. I miss Vivian. I miss Gracie. I miss Julianne. I miss Sarah. I miss our dinner/themed parties. I miss classy 09. I miss sfs. I miss senior year. I want to go back. Thank god I see Miro tomorrow. I really need to see him. I haven't seen him since Saturday. Maybe thats why I've been feeling down. I love him so much. He makes everything right.

Oh and thank you coldplay, you've always been there for me too. You always make me happy<3